This weeks Article....
Body Language, How is
Yours
The impact Body Language has on our
communications
The scenario: You have an
appointment with a major client. The
potential need is there and the match is
right for your product.
As you walk into to meet the
client for the first time, you're not
sure you really like or even trust this
person. The conversation continues and
for some reason you keep feeling
something is not right. This client does
not seem to be engaging with you, the
trust issue is still coming back to you
and the idea of the client lying or being
other than forthright is on your
mind.
The conversation ends with no
real result; both parties seem to be
cautious about proceeding.
What is happening here? What
strange secret is at work that we do not
understand?
The answer is Body Language,
yes, some 70-80% of our communications is
through Body Language, yet some 60% of
Body Language is misread or
misunderstood!
With so much at stake in our
sales and leadership encounters how is
your Body Language and what is it
saying?
Here are some quick tips to keep
in mind.
First, let's understand
something about Body Language. Most Body
Language is subtle, under the radar if
you will of most people. This is not just
about crossing arms or leaning back. This
is about the subtle changes in our facial
features, body movements and how our body
reacts to emotion. (By
the way, we all do, it is not in our
control).
A part of our brain, the inner
central part is very similar to our
animal friends. All nerve endings go to
this part of the brain first before going
on to the cortex, or thinking – reasoning
part of the brain. This means any inputs
from our eyes, ears, taste or skin go to
this animal brain first. This part of the
brain is our Fight or Flight reaction. So
something, startles you, the animal brain
is in Fight – Flight and has you ready
for either. The thinking cortex is out of
the picture until you stop to analyze the
situation.
The animal part of the brain we
call "Liz", short for our lizard brain. This
part has no ability to reason or think it
only reacts. Thus, with all the inputs,
coming to "Liz" first our body will react
with minute body gestures or reactions we
have little if any control
over.
By the way, there is about a
quarter of a second delay between "Liz"
and the cortex. This is enough time for
us to flitch, roll our nose or eyes,
increase our pulse, blush or
frown.
So what does this "Liz" have to
do with our Body Language?
Everything, because "Liz" is
reading these actions in others and
determining if we need to fight or flight
in this situation. The example in the
beginning of the article has you feeling
something is not right. Your "Liz" is
reading something, even though you are
not fully aware of it.
It might be a fake smile, a way
the eyes look or perhaps a rolling of the
nose we are not aware of.
Remember, we are all emotional
people and no matter how we try, those
emotions are always just below the
surface trying to get out in some form or
fashion. Body Language is the results of
these emotions trying to get out and
being expressed.
So what do I do?
Well first, we'll deal with some
ideas on reading others Body
Language.
1. Any body position in itself is
not a fully accurate indicator. Crossed
arms does not mean closed or not
interested! Yes I know, every Body
Language class or book in past has said
so! People also thought the world was
flat, we now know
better.
2. The CHANGE in body position and
posture is far more important than any
given position. It's what the CHANGE in
body position is telling you that is
important. This CHANGE is the reaction
(Liz) to the input they have been given.
Did we go from a very open posture to a
very closed? A very closed to a very
open? Are they just stiff and needed to
move? A very open to a slightly less
open?
3.
Congruence: This means does the body
position and movement match the words and
attitudes the other person is trying to
portray. The salesperson is saying trust
me, yet the fake smile, closed pupils and
darting eyes do not agree!
Your body action has to be
insync with your words and attitudes or
"Liz" will give you away! This is
probably why you were feeling untrusting
with the new
client.
4. Approximately 60% of the Body
Language read comes from the face. How
the face is reacting will tell you what
the rest of the body is trying to tell
you. If the face tends to close down and
frown a bit more with now closed arms,
yes this person is closing us off or
being defensive. If the face tends to
lighten up or tend to smile, even though
the arms are crossed, we have a more open
person.
5.
Context: What is the setting you are
in? What the body is saying will be
different in a boardroom, the CEO's
office, the lunchroom or the beach.
Consider the
environment you are in and how people
might be reacting to that environment. It
will change how "Liz" sees threats and
inputs thus how the body
reacts.
There are five quick ideas to be
aware of in others; but what about what I
am doing? What can I be aware of to send
the best body language I can?
1. Have an open type body stance.
This means stand and sit tall (even if
your short) with open arms, eyes wide
open, a congruent smile and open posture.
Face the people you are communicating
with squarely.
2.
Always have positive eye contact.
This means look people in the eye when
you're communicating with them. Down
turned eyes, someone always looking past
or away from others sends a very negative
signal. Most times this is read as
uninterested or untruthful from the other
person's perspective. I would guess this
is not the signal you want to
send.
In the Western culture,
around 80% direct eye contact is
acceptable; in Eastern, culture more
around 60% is
acceptable.
3.
Mirror or follow the other person's
body position initially. This gets you
into sync with them and helps to build a
trust. You are like them so they like
you, or at least "Liz" does. Caution,
do not directly imitate them, wrong
input, rather have a similar type of body
position.
Once you're reading a
positive feedback, you can reverse the
rolls and see if they now follow you. If
they do, you have
them!
4. It has been shown that matching
another person's breathing can have a
dramatic effect! Get your breathing
rhythm in sync with the other party, see
what happens!
5.
They
throw something at you, which gets your
emotions to show, anger, threats,
embarrassment etc. Immediately take a
deep breath with a slightly open
mouth. This
will help to slow the heart rate and
controls the mouth muscles. With the
mouth muscles occupied the emotional
reaction will not show through the normal
channels of the face.
Blushing is generally a
result of sudden blood flow and heart
rate increase. A deep breath will help to
minimize this for you. This also causes
you to pause prior to reacting and that
nano second gets the cortex involved,
rather than just
"Liz".
6. Keep your hands away from your
face. Rubbing a nose or ears, touching
the face is often times read as
nervousness, lying, deception or other
negative images. Simply never touch your
face in an important
conversation.
There are many more tips and
ideas on Body Language. There is new
material come every day from research
that gives us new insights.
The real key is to be highly
observant, how does the other person
respond to your input or the environment.
If your eyes and mind are open, you'll be
amazed at what you can
discover!
Until next week, keep the eyes
& ears open!
Harlan
Goerger
© Harlan Goerger 7-2009
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